During Chapter 24: Her Heart, I begun to identify what I needed to work on. At that time, my heart was
the main focus. I had the courage to say it needed work but, that was just the beginning. The healing
process was to follow! It wasn’t until the little girl living within showed up in ways I didn’t care for that I
realized it I had way more work to do! I began to ask myself lots of questions. Why do I do this? Why do
I think this way? Why does this even bother me? Where did I learn this habit? What is the root of the
problem? Why didn’t the elders before me tell me this? You mean to tell me nobody seen this
generational habit? How could I just now be learning this? How do I unlearn this behavior? Where do I
even start? God, why didn’t you show me this earlier? I was completely frustrated! The little girl inside
of me and the grown woman I looked at in the mirror daily were at war with one another. The woman
was trying to let go of things that no longer served her and the little girl was clinging to certain pattern
because that is all she’s ever known. I felt like compelled to change things but, I didn’t necessarily have
an idea or a plan on how I’d get there. God was quieter than he has ever been during this time. After
overthinking for months, having lots of questions, and stressing myself out I decided to turn the mirror
on me. If I’m being honest, at times I ran from sitting with myself. I’d gear my focus towards something
else instead of just letting the wound heal and allowing myself to feel whatever emotion that rose up.
That only lasted so long! Eventually, I got tired of ME. I finally decided to surrender to the process of
healing, changing, letting go, forgiving myself, forgiving other people, allowing God the proper time to
deal me, and being okay with relearning some lessons I’d learned in church as well as life. Healing is
hard, messy, a roller coaster, and sometimes downright scary! One moment you will be excited to do
the work and another you’ll try to keep busy so you don’t have to face it. Sometimes it’s frustrating and
other times your able to give yourself a little more grace. Honestly, one of the hardest things to do is sit
and keep it real with yourself acknowledging where you allowed hurt, where your expectations messed
you up, and where you need to grow at. However, we all know where there is no correction and work
done there is no growth! My hope and prayer is that as I share a few of the things I learned in my
process it will encourage you to ask yourself the proper questions and confront the little girl or boy
inside of you so that you can be the best version of yourself. It won’t be easy nor will it happen
overnight! As I grow I learning that my work is lifelong. Be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, take
care of yourself as you walk on this journey fulfilling your purpose.